The Story of My Life: The Beginning of Understanding

Let me begin to create a little bit of a timeline for you, so as this story progresses you can kind of put it all into perspective.

July 22, 2014: My dad gave me the paper with the non-identifying information from the adoption agency. By the end of that day, all of the following had happened.  I had found a post from Jessie Harvey saying she was looking for a birth sibling. I tried to find a way to contact her, but I couldn't, so instead I contacted her brother Brent's wife, Alyssa. Alyssa forwarded my message to Jessie and Jessie contacted me.  I responded to her message but did not hear anything from her until the following morning.

July 23, 2014: I heard back from Jessie and confirmed that she was my half sibling, as the information from the adoption agency that my dad had given me matched her mom's description.  I texted all day with Jessie and brothers, Brad and Brent.

That same evening,  I was at a VBS meeting when Jessie texted me to let me know she had talked with her mom.  I responded to let her know I was at a meeting at church and would get back with her as soon as I was finished.

By 9:15, I was home on the couch texting with Jessie. She told me how she had talked with her mom, and her mom was very mad with her at first. Carol had told her that it was supposed to have been a closed adoption and it was a horrible time in her life that she didn't want brought back up. Jessie then went on to explain to me that Carol herself had been adopted and had grown up in a very, very strict household. When she got pregnant with me, her parents thought she was a disgrace.  Carol's mom even made her a huge coat to hide her stomach so no one would know she was pregnant and bring dishonor to her family. Carol was sent away to the girls home to have me and was told she didn't have a choice. She thought when she signed the adoption papers that it was over with.

So when Jessie told her that I had contacted her, Carol was stunned.  She had told Jessie about me when Jessie was 12, although she never really shared any details about me or about what had happened.  A year or so before this time, Jessie had been able to get enough information out of her mom to be able to put that post up on 'Find Your Family'.  Carol didn't remember giving Jessie that bit of information, so she was sure that this was all a mix up or that Jessie was lying.  Ron, Jessie's dad,  told Carol that the minute Jessie began asking questions about me, he knew that it would only be a matter of time before we found each other.

Jessie's dad told her that Carol was terrified. She didn't want me to think that I wasn't wanted by her and she didn't want the others to think that she didn't care.

I told Jessie to please tell Carol that she did not need to feel bad or have any regret. I only felt that the decision that she had made for me was the most loving and kind thing that she could have done. I told her to let Carol know that I had wonderful, godly parents who loved me as their own and they were so thankful to her for having given them the gift of me. I also asked her to assure Carol that she could take as much time as she needed.

Jessie then told me how her mom had feelings of resentment about being adopted.  She said that 25 years ago that Carol had been contacted by her own birth mom but Carol had wanted nothing to do with her.  I assured Jessie that I had no feelings of resentment toward her mom, only gratitude.

By now it was 9:45 pm and Jessie said that her mom had started asking questions about me.  At 10:00, Carol sent me a Facebook message. It said, "I am excited that you are happy and I know in my heart I did the right thing. We will keep in touch."

I responded and said, "You absolutely did the right thing. So many times over the years I have longed for the opportunity to thank you for giving me life and allowing me the chance to grow up in a Christian home with parents who love God and me. So thank you so very much for that gift. I know what a huge sacrifice that was for you to give me up and I appreciate you doing that for me. I have never had any hard feelings towards you, only gratitude and thankfulness.  Take your time as I am sure there is a lot you are working through. Whenever the time comes that you want to talk, I am here."

There were a few more texts and pictures exchanged and at the same time I was still texting with Jessie. I even had the chance to talk with Jessie on the phone for the first time that night. It was all so very surreal. It was crazy how comfortable it felt to talk with her. Very natural. Kind of like what I had always imagined it would be like to talk with a sister on the phone.

I went to bed with so many thoughts running crazy in my head. I had a difficult time sleeping, as you can probably imagine. One thing I remember very distinctly though, I was so very thankful that God had allowed me the opportunity to thank my birth mother for giving me life.  It was something I had thought about many times growing up. God knew that desire and granted it. And even now when I think back on that blessing, I often wonder, "Why me?" So many adoptees never get that chance, so why was it given to me?  I don't know.  My only explanation is that I know every good and perfect gift comes from above. So I have to again publicly acknowledge and praise the one who gave that gift to me.....God.