So Many Questions....

In the last post I told how I had messaged Elliott to let him know that his nephew Keith had discovered my existence on 23andme.  If you missed it, you can go read that post here.

I had hoped that Elliott would respond to my message before things escalated, but by the time I had finished writing him, I already had a response back from Keith.

"Wow. Okay....you have my attention now," was all that he said.  But I knew that meant he was going to be going into action. I lay in bed for a long time that evening, unable to sleep. My stomach was tight and I wondered how long it would be before things really got moving.

It didn't take long. After a very short night's sleep, I awoke to another message from Keith.   He told me that he didn't really know anything about the majority of his family and that nothing that I told him would surprise him.  He said he knew none of his grandparents and had no relationship with any of his aunts and uncles. He assured me that nothing would change for him or his siblings if I chose to divulge information to him.  He offered to talk with me over the phone if I wanted and then finished off by saying he had asked his wife to send me request on Facebook since he didn't have an account.

I responded to him by saying, "Believe me, there is nothing I would like more than to be able to share my story. But I made a promise that I would not until I was told it was okay by those involved.  I have messaged them to let them know you are asking questions.  I cannot help it if you figure it out (and I kind of hope that you do because then it will no longer be a secret), but at this moment there is nothing more that I can do. As soon as I can, I will share. I promise. "

When I logged into my facebook account, true to his word, a friend request from his wife, Katie, was waiting for me.

I chose not to answer her friend request right away.  Instead, I tried to put everything in the back of my mind, while I hurried to get myself and the kids ready for the activity that was planned for the morning/afternoon.  Steve was going to spend the day hanging out with his friends and the kids and I were going to stay busy by taking a four hour train ride on the Great Smoky Mountain Railway.  We hopped in the car for the 20 minute drive from Cherokee to Bryson City. Once we arrived, we parked the car and found a little cafe where we went for a quick breakfast before the train was to depart.  Then the messages started coming.

Around 9:30, Keith's wife, Katie, began sending me messages through facebook messenger.  I couldn't look. I just had to focus on finishing breakfast with the kids and making sure we made it onto the train by departure time.

We boarded the train.  We were going on a trip that included lunch, so our seats were at a table next to the window.  The kids settled in the seats closest to the window and as the train left the station, they were completely distracted by the scene outside.

I then took a deep breath and opened the message.  Katie told me that Keith had asked her to friend request me.  "Clearly you share a grandfather...," she said.  She explained how Keith didn't know much about his family for various reasons.  His paternal grandfather was an orphan.  I could be related to Keith through him, she guessed.  But then she said another theory of theirs was that I was related to Keith on his mom's side and that one of his aunts could be my biological mother.  "My husband thinks your birthmother is Ella or Janice. Is that correct?" They were Elliott's youngest sisters.  She told me if I was related to him on his mother's side, that I would have 4 more cousins besides Keith.  She had sent me pictures of each of them,, telling me who they were.   One of them, Brady, who is Keith's brother, she said I clearly took after and she was right. The resemblance was crazy! All of them shared the same mother.  Susan Martin. Elliott's oldest sister.

I read all of her messages, but I did not respond right away.  Instead, I tried again to send a message to Elliott.  Here is what it said:

"This morning I have received a message here on facebook from Keith's wife. They are desperately trying to find out our relation. I have not done anything yet, but I do not know how long it will be before they put things together.  She saw my picture and said that I strongly resemble his mom's side of the family."

I was thankful that my kids were completely engrossed in the scenery outside of the train window. and by the fact that as part of the lunch package included in our tickets they received cool souvenir mugs and could have as many refills on drinks as they wanted during the whole trip.   My mind, however, was in a completely different place.  I was texting crazily with Steve keeping him updated as to what was going on. He was being as supportive and encouraging as he could even though he wasn't right there with me.

I finally responded to Katie.  By this time it was 10:45.  I told her, "I messaged your husband earlier on 23andme and told him I am still waiting to hear back from the other people involved. I promised not to say anything so I am waiting to give them the opportunity to tell their story.  Once that happens, I will accept your friend request."

The messages kept coming on facebook and 23andme. I tried my best to respond without giving away any information.  My stomach was so sick.  While the lunch they served us on the train was delicious, it sat in my stomach like a huge lump.  And then, around 12:45, I got a message from Keith that sent my head into a tailspin.....

"Well, the inquiries to the family have been made....."

Out of the Shadows

Wow! I can't believe that it has been over a year since I last wrote a blog.  Life changed and got busy, so I had to take a break.  Here recently though, some people have been inquiring whether or not I ever plan to finish writing my story.  While I feel there will never truly be an "ending" since our lives are stories that continuously unfold,  I want to try to put into words my experience so it can be shared later on with my children and grandchildren, and hopefully encourage some of you along the way.

If you are new to the blog, you might just be wondering what exactly I am writing about.  It is the journey of my life as an adoptee, from birth to now....it is a journey of God's faithfulness and goodness as truth was brought to light.  May I suggest that you go here to start from the beginning?  It won't take that long to catch up. I promise. :)

If you have been following along,  you may remember that I had come to the conclusion through DNA testing and doing research on Ancestry.com that a man named Elliott Martin was a possible candidate for my birth father. I wrote him a letter and turns out my research had actually been accurate.  Because his wife was not exactly thrilled with my appearance and did not want the rest of the family knowing about me, I told him I would not reveal myself to any of them without his permission.  The only possibility of anyone finding out about me was if the first cousin DNA match on 23andme who had been anonymous for the two years I had been on that site would somehow log on and find my profile.  

Fast forward six months to August 13, 2016.....and that is exactly what happened.  Steve, the kids and I had gone away for the weekend, when I got a message from that cousin, Keith Denton.  He told me his mother was Susan Martin, who was Elliott's sister.  I had been found.  You can read all about the events leading up to that here. 

It was dark in the hotel room and the kids were sleeping. I was frantically relaying to Steve what had just happened. I decided to respond to Keith, but did not divulge Elliott's secret since I had made a promise that I wouldn't.  Instead, I wrote this:

"Hey Keith!! Actually, I do know how we are related and we are first cousins. At the moment, I am not at liberty to explain how, but as soon I can, I promise I will let you know."

I was a bit excited. Who wouldn't be? Here was an opportunity to open the door to family that I wondered if I would ever get to know. I had made the promise to Elliott and intended to keep it. He was hoping his wife, Hazel, would come around and he would be able to tell his family himself. She had not moved in her stance at this point and I wondered if something might happen to him before I had a chance to meet any of the rest of the family. What then? I had a half-sister and half-brother that I knew about and frankly, I was curious. I wanted to get to know them and wondered what they might think about me. At the same time though, I knew that the poop was about to hit the fan. Since Elliott had told me of his recent conversation with Hazel about me, I knew there was no way this discovery by Keith was going to be a happy one for her. And I really wasn't sure how Elliott himself was going to feel about being exposed.

Hoping to give him a heads up about the situation and a chance to prepare for what was inevitably to come, I immediately messaged Elliott. It was 10:50 p.m.

"Hey Elliott! I just wanted to let you know that your nephew Keith Denton has just contacted me on 23andme which is the other DNA site that I had done testing through besides ancestry.com. He has showed up as my first cousin since the day I was on there. Only today he has messaged me to ask me how we are related. I told him that currently I am not at liberty to say how we are connected. I wanted to let you know, because I am sure he will begin pursuing finding out how."

I sent the message desperately praying he would see it before things escalated.

But they already had.

By the time I finished writing Elliott, Keith had already responded on 23andme.