Then I had no choice but to sit back and to wait. And wait I did. It seemed like forever. Sunday drug on into Monday, Monday into Tuesday and so forth. I would check my email and then check it again two minutes later to see if something would show up in my inbox. I was so disappointed every time when there was nothing from him. I found myself engulfed with thoughts of Elliott no matter what I did to try to distract myself. I could not go anywhere or do anything without thinking about him or talking about the situation with Steve or any close friend that would lend an ear. Finally, on Thursday morning, I sent him a message on Facebook. "Are you doing okay?" is all that it said. Later that day I received a reply from him.
It generally went something like this. He told me he was okay, sort of. He had told his wife, Hazel, about my contact with him and let her read our emails. Even though she had known about the possibility that a child of his existed out there somewhere, she was obviously upset by the fact that I had shown up. She had cried and asked him not to speak with me anymore. Elliott told me that she knew he did not feel the same way about the situation. Their week had been busy and he had not had an opportunity to have more discussions with her about the situation. He did not feel like it was fair to me to be left in the dark, so he wanted to let me know what exactly was going on. And then, he told me if I had not already told my dad about searching for and finding him, that I shouldn't. He did not want me to hurt my dad in that way. He said, "You know he truly is your father." He then told me to prepare myself for the fact that he might not be my father, as he was preparing himself for the opposite.
It wasn't a long email, but it held a lot for me. First of all, I could tell by the way that he ended it, that this was a huge deal for him. After forty plus years of thinking that he was not responsible for the child that Carol carried, Elliott was face to face with the possibility that indeed he might be my father. This had to be a shock to him. I could tell it was going to take some time for him to be able to settle in on that fact. I had been searching and therefore I was eager and in a hurry to find out more answers and know the truth of my story, but I would have to be willing to be patient and give things time. That was going to be very difficult for me to do.
Secondly, I very much appreciated the concerns Elliott had for my dad. I personally wasn't concerned because just like the situation with Carol, I had kept my parents in the loop of everything that was going on. My dad knew of my search and my contact with Elliott. I knew that both of my parents knew I was not looking to replace either of them with someone else, but the fact that Elliott had thought of my dad and in fact wanted to protect him in the process was a relief. After the incidents with Carol when she referred to herself as my "momma," I was comforted to know that if this were to turn into any type of relationship down the road, that Elliott seemed to already have a respect for the relationship I had with my dad and did not want to do anything to cause it harm.
Last of all, I wasn't sure what to do with the fact that Hazel did not want Elliott talking to me. I mean, I could understand it. It was a surprise to her (and to him) that I had showed up out of nowhere. I was sure she must be in shock. I cannot imagine the thoughts she might have about what other people might think if they found out that her husband had a child out of wedlock. I could understand how this could be a huge concern for her. How do you go about explaining that to people? She didn't know me or anything about me, so there were lots of possibilities that could have been going through her head. I began to research adoption reunions involving daughters and birth fathers where the wife of the father was not happy with the situation. There are so many stories of adoptees who show up out of nowhere who try to take advantage of their birth parent. Some try to get some kind of financial gain from their birth parent making them feel guilty or that they birth parent "owes them." Then there are the cases where the adoptee and the birth parent or sibling find themselves caught up in a case of genetic sexual attraction. In these instances, the adoptee and the blood relative end up involved in some type of romantic relationship with each other. Because there is a bit of familiarity and connection with someone who shares your DNA, yet there is still the excitement of getting to know the unknown about that person, in the process sometimes they find themselves falling in love. I knew that was a ridiculous reason from my viewpoint, but it does happen, so it could be a valid concern. Then there is the viewpoint that no matter if it was an ideal situation or not, Hazel would find herself on the outside. I had learned by this point that Elliott had two children, a son, Joseph and a daughter, Ava. With Elliott being my biological father, that would make me half siblings with Joseph and Ava and no relation at all to Hazel. She would in essence be the "step-mother." This could also be a very difficult situation to be in.
With all of the different viewpoints that I studied and researched, I could totally understand Hazel's point of view, but on the other hand, I couldn't understand it at all. But then again, I have never found myself in this type of situation. Steve has not had someone just show up out of nowhere claiming to be his child. But I would hope that if that happened, that I would be gracious and accept that person. But since I am not there, who is to say what would happen.
I just prayed that in time, she would get past her initial feelings and accept the situation and accept me. And I tried desperately myself to accept the situation I was in. But as the minutes turned into hours and the hours into days, I found myself slowly unwinding....
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